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Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
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5:35 pm - breaking at the britches
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These next three weeks are probably going to be the most grueling (this word always reminds me of Oregon Trail) weeks of my life thus far. I've overbooked myself this semester again, and I'm definitely feeling the effects. It doesn't help that I've decided to expand my social life this semester and am now taking advantage of the freedom that college allows-- which couldn't have come at a worse time.
All I can do is look forward to this summer and next year, which thankfully, will be a little less stressful and a little more enjoyable.
I still can't believe that I'm going to be a senior so soon. How is it that the older you get, the faster time flies? I suppose now that my schedule is more booked and there are more things going on in my life, I'm too busy to fully appreciate and acknowledge the passing of time. I'm constantly planning, worrying, or looking forward to the future and I forget that the present still exists.
I'm not okay with getting old.
current mood:  busy
current music: bon iver - skinny love
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« 1 surprise : surprise me »
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| Monday, April 2nd, 2007
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1:43 am
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I think Organic Chemistry made me cry tonight. I'd like it to blame it on other things, but really, when it comes down to it- I think it was multi-step synthesis that was the end of the rope.
---
After realizing that my body will not be sleeping for at least another few hours, I found myself doing something that I haven't done in awhile: reading old entries. Scrolling through them made me realize how much I miss sorting out my thoughts and feelings out onto a keyboard and eventually, I decided to give a shot again. Apparently livejournal has saved a 'draft' that I must have inadvertently exited out of and never finished, sometime last semester. I found it quite humorous and left it in this entry, as I thought it was an appropriate introduction.
I've been living my life on a day to day basis only- meaning that I've put little thought into the future, and am now slowly coming to terms that I'm coming to the point in my life where I can't do this anymore. Every decision that I make or don't make at this point has so much more of an impact on my future than ever before, and it is still difficult for me to grasp that.
Which leads me to the question that has been plaguing my mind since I've stepped foot in college. I now realize how urgently I need to resolve this issue as it could potentially determine in what direction the rest of my life is headed. A decision that has become so scary to me that I don't even feel comfortable sharing it right now.
Maybe because I know it's a decision that I need to make by myself.
current mood:  restless
current music: James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore
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« 3 surprises : surprise me »
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| Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
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1:30 am - worthless
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Completely devoid of a writing outlet for almost a year now has basically killed me. My major(s) rarely require to write anything more than a lab report and I've been on a hiatus from any blogging since graduating from high school- therefore I am dying. Any talent or skill I previously (thought I) had when it came to expressing myself in words have slowly but surely disappated now that I haven't utilized them in so long. I hate it. I hate it.
I hate how I'm depriving myself of an education in a subject that I actually enjoy and can excel at. I look around and it seems like everyone I know is learning something they want to be learning. But this was my choice, so why am I complaining?
I've made a lot of fucked up choices of late, but there's no one to blame but myself. I can't take the blame and I can't find a suitable scapegoat so I'm forced to find an alternate escape.
current mood:  distressed
current music: iron & wine - the trapeze swinger
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« 1 surprise : surprise me »
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| Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
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3:20 pm - yay.
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I have this inexplicable love for all things "christmas".
Especially christmas songs. Carols, pop renditions, instrumentals, children's choirs- I love 'em all.
I can't wait until Thanksgiving is over and I start my month long cycle of playing christmas music around the clock.
Oh yeah, I never realized how stressful, frustrating, and time-consuming registering for your own classes could be.
I'm pissed that the Jason Mraz tickets for 9:30 club sold out the day I was going to buy them. Damn.
current mood:  blank
current music: Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
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« 5 surprises : surprise me »
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| Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
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1:29 am - four days of fun.
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As some of you may know, I made this four day weekend useful by perusing two of the college campuses that I may possibly attend next year. I was accompanied on this journey by two other prospective students, who also happen to be two of my closest friends, Irene and Esther Yoon. We made a thorough evaluation of both schools; carefully observing our environment, taking into account everything from the food, fellow students, living area, to the architecture of the campus. Although we have not come to a consensus yet after viewing both schools, I believe that we now have an accurate impression of what attending each school would be like. Virginia Tech and James Madison University may not have been schools that started out on the top of our college lists, however, after our experiences this weekend, I think it's safe to say that we wouldn't mind spending some more time in the Burg's. ;D
Now, let me show you how what was supposed to be a short trip of one night at Tech, extended into one night and day at Tech and two nights and days at JMU.
we discovered random guys like to be in pictures at tech.
tam was kind of drunk that night.
best friendssssss. how cute <3.
I found some shining examples of cool tech guys- the driver for the night and the host. (along with gary + scrubb, of course)
I had the best clip of Q dancing, but it's too dark to see. =[
A sight not often seen- tam passed out. ;D
Although Blacksburg's IHOP was a little disappointing, their apartments made up for it by being freak'n amazing. (Or maybe it's just Q's place, with their amazingly nice FREE t.v. and loads of food) We chose to ignore the fact that we were "snowed-in" on Saturday and made our deathwish by driving back to Harrisonburg in my trusty hatchback. After a grueling 3 hour drive, we were greeted by an empty house- but encountered more hospitable hosts.
cool host #1. Except he needs to learn to do something besides play World of Warcraft.
no caption needed.
Somehow, the girls lost to the guys in cranium- the verdict?
We had to stay in hburg for another night. -_-
cool host #2.
His Maxims provided hours of entertainment for everyone.
cool host #3. And fellow reigning beer pong champion. =D
For the rest of the pictures: http://cafleen.fotki.com
So I've visited:
1. UVA
2. VTECH
3. JMU
4. GMU (obviously)
5. UIUC <- next on the list ;D
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« 4 surprises : surprise me »
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| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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2:19 am - Random.
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My mom calls me the other night around 3AM while I'm watching Cruel Intentions in the basement with Esther and Jason. I think that she's going to yell at me to come upstairs and go to sleep like she usually does, but when I picked up, her voice wasn't harsh and she didn't even mention the time of day. Guess what she asked me?
"Who sings that song.. uh.. California Love?"
After answering a series of questions concerning that song and the spelling of the name "Tupac", my mother further inquired me about Tupac's death, curious about the date in which he died to the person who shot him. It was kind of weird, but I answered all of her questions and went back the movie. A few minutes later, she calls back, asks some more questions about the song- whether or not Tupac sings in it, if he actually writes his own lyrics, etc. etc. And then she calls back again.
"Isn't Dr.Dre in that song too?"
Now my mom starts asking me about Dr.Dre and eventually that leads into Eminem. She asks me to spell his name several times and begins comparing the two, trying to decide on who is the "better" rapper. Seemingly unsatisfied, she finally hangs up with me after the debate, and I am left wondering how this conversation was sparked in the first place.
My mom confuses me sometimes.
current mood:  cold
current music: Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire
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« 5 surprises : surprise me »
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| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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1:30 am - fun fun fun.
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005
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2:38 am - a few more months..
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Minh T Freshh: high school = worthless, remember my advice
okay so college, hurry up and save me please.
current mood: working
current music: Jason Mraz - Bright Eyes
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« surprise me »
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| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
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7:26 pm - senior woes.
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Yeah, to everyone who said senior year was supposed to be your easiest year.. or maybe no one ever told me that and it was just something that was implied. But it's definitely not true. I've never been so stressed in my life. I've never been so addicted to missing school, and it's never screwed me over as much as it is right now. I'm just waiting on the last few weeks until this semester is over and from then on hopefully it'll be smooth sailing (minus all the exams). I'm still debating whether I'll care about what my GPA or my attendance record will be when I graduate. Because I'm not planning on maintaining very good ones come second semester. Maybe it's because I already feel like a failure when it comes to my high school career, and that I've blown all the potential that I thought I had- but I've become more and more apathetic about anything schoolwork related. The bad thing about it is- I'm only apathetic about it for a day or so and then when it comes to crunch time or the due date I stress out like crazy and then everyone else is stressing out as well, which only gives me more reason to feel the pressure. And- blame it on my upbringing, but, I've never been able to take bad grades very well so I always end up feeling even more unsettled when I recieve the grade I probably deserved, but know isn't what I could've gotten. Then I get even more stressed when I think about what the colleges are going to think when they see these numbers.
It's a vicious cycle. And I want it to end. Now would be a good time.
+ by the way, do you think I should apply to NYU? I have the application all finished and everything but I'm debating if I should even spend my $65 to send it in when I know my parents can't afford the $43,000 tuition and their financial aid is one of the suckiest in the nation.. I'm kind of indecisive about this, so your opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter
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« 1 surprise : surprise me »
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| Saturday, December 18th, 2004
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10:17 pm - surprise, surprise.
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As all of you may know, I threw a surprise birfday party for my brother last night. Although this whole week was filled with stress because of all the planning and coordinating that went along with the event, I think it was pretty successful if I say so myself. My brother passed out at 9PM, woke up and blew out the candles, threw up immediatly afterward, and passed out again. And to top it off, he really was surprised! Mission accomplished?
thanks to all who showed, and to the ones that couldn't make it- I wish y'all were there.
( and )
current mood:  accomplished
current music: the juliana theory - top of the world
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« 4 surprises : surprise me »
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| Monday, December 13th, 2004
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9:01 am - It's been awhile.
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It's definitely been a long time since I've updated on this journal, unfortuantly, xanga somehow sucks me in- time and time again. It's a sad story, I know.
Moving on, I'm in school right now and I think I should be studying for my history quiz, and yet I'm doing everything within my power to avoid the task at hand. It's kind of sad because you'd think that after I realized how much my grades screwed me over for my college apps, I'd actually try to change and DO something about it. But basically, I've given up all hope of getting into any college that I would actually want to go to, and I've accepted my fate of staying in-state. Sure, it's not too bad.. I'm sure I'll find a way to make myself happy and have fun whereever I end up going. The college app process itself doesn't really stress me out, I actually enjoy writing the essays (weird?) but, the constant state of indecision I have concerning which college I actually want to attend is what's stressing me out.
I guess I should just wait and see who accepts me before I even think about deciding where I want to go. Right?
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« 8 surprises : surprise me »
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| Friday, March 19th, 2004
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1:48 pm - it's official.
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I suck at life.
current mood: numb
current music: stephen speaks : passenger seat
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« 3 surprises : surprise me »
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
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12:20 am - pouiguig
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Sometimes, I have the urge to punch some people in the face.
Then I realize that physical pain wouldn't make up for the stuff they caused me, and it wouldn't be worth it anyway. And of course, I could never bring myself to do such a thing.
But in moments like this, and in days like these- when I'm tired of moping around about it, thoughts of retribution are all that cloud my mind.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: jc chasez : now and forever
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« 2 surprises : surprise me »
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| Friday, February 27th, 2004
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10:46 pm - happy
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I got my first paycheck today! It's not much, but I didn't work that many hours, it's $102.38. =]
I was planning to take my family out to dinner with my first paycheck, but instead I hope we'll all be able to watch The Passion together tomorrow, and eat lunch together afterwards. Sometimes I miss my family, being a family.
I used to hate little kids. But now, they have a way of making me laugh, smile, and cry all at the same time.
current mood: accomplished
current music: Blink 182 - I Miss You
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« 5 surprises : surprise me »
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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10:42 pm - back in the lj game!
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(Left the xanga business behind, finally) I tried to privatize all my entries, but I decided that it was taking way too long, and although I want to do as much as I can to avoid completing my math project- I will take on that task later. I'm definitely depending on a school cancellation tomorrow, hopefully I'll be able to wake up, look outside the window to a "wintry mix" falling outside promising me no school, refresh the fcps website to make sure, and then call everyone on my phone list to share the good news, as usual. =] If not, I'm screwed. HAHA!
Third quarter just started and I have STRAIGHT A'S as of now (aren't I just the optimist?!), hopefully I'll be able to keep that up. If I do, I get $20 from esther! Yay for monetary motivation. Besides that, I got an interview at "The Little Gym" on Wednesday, my first job, yay again!
Now for some random pictures from whenever (kind of recent) for your enjoyment! ;D
me and my boyfriend. ;D
( more! )
current mood: calm
current music: the postal service - such great heights
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« 11 surprises : surprise me »
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| Friday, November 28th, 2003
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1:45 am - thanksgiving
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I wouldn't say my thanksgiving sucked- cause it didn't. But it just can't compare to last year's. I hated how I ended up in the same place that I knew I would end up at. Reminiscing sucks sometimes. Why do things have to change..? Livejournal makes it too easy to look back.
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« 1 surprise : surprise me »
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| Monday, August 18th, 2003
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2:31 am - what am i supposed to do then.
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Not quite sure what I'm doing on here- if you were not already aware, I've moved to mindsay. But, I randomly came back online (due to insomnia?) and saw the baby pictures on naguib's lj, and decided that since I already signed in- what the hell, why not update while I'm at it?! harhar. Two weeks of summer left, and 4 summer assignments to do- can we say SCREWED?! xP Oh well. I wonder what junior year has in store for me..
current mood: melancholy
current music: babyface : when can i see you again
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« 1 surprise : surprise me »
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| Monday, June 2nd, 2003
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1:49 pm - summer breeze.
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How wonderful is it to be sick during the last 3 crucial weeks of school? Especially when your throat is killing you and you have a CHORUS CONCERT this friday? heh. oh well.
listening to , jason mraz - summer breeze, I guess i'm looking forward to the summer, but really, there isn't much to be looking forward to. With camp, summer school and possibly a job at SCORE!, I really only have about 2 weeks of "freedom", but even with that, I have 4 summer assignments that need to be completed. And then I'm going to have a killer junior year courseload. fun fun fun.
blahblahblah. i don't know what i want anymore. whenever i feel like i want something, i question my motives in why i actually want it, and then i realize that that's not really what i want in the first place. does that make any sense? didn't think so.
current mood:  sick
current music: jason mraz : summer breeze
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« 6 surprises : surprise me »
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| Monday, May 26th, 2003
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1:04 pm - damaged.
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let's just say this weekend was exhausting- in all different senses (emotionally, physically, mentally). for the most part, i had a lot of positive experiences, although, there were some really bad moments mixed in between. like right now. i'm so hurt right now- it's that weird feeling you get in your throat and your heart feels heavy but you're holding back, so you're not crying. i really have to stop trying to make sense of it all- because it doesn't make any sense. i don't know what to think anymore, much less, what to say, so i guess i'll leave it at that. and see what happens.
i'm so tired, so tired of trying.- jack johnson
current mood: crushed
current music: tlc : damaged
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« 2 surprises : surprise me »
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| Thursday, May 15th, 2003
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8:21 pm - rain.
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Done with the AP Government Exam. it wasn't as bad as i thought, just ran out of time during the multiple choice section which resulted in me bubbling in random answers. :P but thanks to doug for taking me to buy the Princeton Review AP Gov't self-study book, and then taking me to return it the next day. muhaha, i'm so cheap. (i can't help it, i'm chinese xP) 5 weeks of school left, 4th quarter slackers symptoms are catching up to me xP.
What to say, what to say. What's up with so many people being in sh!tty moods lately? Maybe it was like this before, but i guess i never noticed until now. Or maybe, the older you get in your high school years, the more drama that ensues. :P I'll probably be sad when the time actually comes, but right now, i can't wait until i get out of high school and into college. Hopefully to New York (Columbia). Next year is going to be full of changes- it's going to suck. Junior year is your most important and hardest year of high school, and esther, who was practically my sister over the summer (ha ha) is moving out of state. And she's not the only one that's moving, either. But, I can't be selfish, hopefully things will be better for her in Boston, and I know that we'll stay friends anyway- she's practically one of the only people i talk to these days. One of the very few people that even remotely know what's going on my life. I'm just blabbing on and on, but someone wanted me to make this entry long, and I'm trying. I have a C in PreIB Alg2 w/ Trig right now, and I swear if I get a C or C+ on the report card I'm going to kill myself or something. Someone help me with this please. =|
current mood:  discontent
current music: daniel bedingfield : if you're not the one
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angel2desire's journal